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March 15, 2005
unraveling
Since we have moved so many times in the last few years, I decided to designate one reasonably large box that I allow myself to fill with whatever I come across and am drawn or attached to. It contains letters written by distant friends, love notes from Mark dating back to high school, photographs that never quite made it into the albums but marked different moments, old journals, and several memories that I would probably rather forget. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with our present life, I like to look through the box and am reminded of all the God has brought me through to get me to this particular place in my life. I had the idea of using these bits of memories and beautiful things to make something new. I have come to think of this process of sorting through past events and finding truths in them as my "unraveling" and have decided that this should be the title of this collection if it is to be done.
This past weekend seemed to be all about memories--remembering past moments with close friends so that I can directly point to those exact instances that helped draw my heart closer to them and making new memories as one of my closest friends was married. The ceremony took place in Atlanta with friends and family coming from across the US and several from other countries to witness this union. The weekend was beautiful--filled with precious time talking with and loving those that are dear to me and not seen often.
My thoughts continue to go back to this weekend. As the couple shared communion they requested that a bridesmaid read a prayer asking God to disturb them. Disturb them if their attention turns from what is important or their attitudes become complacent. I think that the one who left disturbed was me. I keep being reminded while awake and in my dreams of the pure display of love offered by the groom to his bride seeing her faults and shortcomings but choosing to share his life regardless. A testimony of his faithfulness to God and in his relationships with others was apparent. Aspects of my own sin nature seem magnified right now and my immediate reaction is generally to take control and try to fix these flaws. It has become increasingly apparent that this cannot be done in my own strength, but I am left frustrated and unwilling to be patient as God continues to work in me.
The bride consumed by stress and fatigue did not say much during the event, but I know her well. We met in college and have remained close since. During difficult bouts with depression, I would find bits of encouragement, quotes, or scripture verses scratched on pieces of torn paper in my mailbox at school. Bevin always seemed to know what I needed to hear and continues to be the best listener of anyone I have met. She helped with those seemingly important details and decisions to be made before my own wedding (like what color dishes we should add to our registry); listened to all of my joys and frustrations as a newly wed; delighted in the birth of our first child; and waited outside of the delivery room as our second was born. She is a dear friend, and it is difficult to put into words how much of an impact such relationships are as we move through these wonderful/difficult stages of life.
| By cooleys | 10:03 AM
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